Orgasm Basics

How to have an orgasm

Step one: The arousal stage
Relax and let go - easier said than done when all you want is to come, and fast. But getting tense, focusing on the outcome rather than the sex at hand and getting annoyed when you can't feel an orgasm happening will only deprive you of one. Instead of thinking about coming, think about what could turn you on because that's the key to getting on the orgasm road. Now add the following:
 
Physical stimuli: Think foreplay, oral sex, kissing, stroking each other, clitoral stimulation and naughty nothings whispered in your ear.
 
Emotional stimuli: Think mental turn - ons i.e. his naked body, your body, scenarios that make you feel hot. Keep adding to the images in your mind while focusing on what you're doing to him and what he's doing to you.

Signs of arousal
If you're aroused you should feel:
Your nipples becoming erect.
Your clitoris swelling.
Your vagina lubricating (or getting wet).
Your body heat rising.
Increased blood flow to your genital region.

Step two: Plateau
This is the heightened version of the above. To get here you need to ensure you have continuous physical stimulation. Bear in mind if the stimulation stops you will go right back to the beginning and your boyfriend will have to start over. Ways to keep it going: ensure he keeps up a steady rhythm and tell him to not stop and start (a big male mistake with the female orgasm). Use your mental turn - ons to keep you going. Do not suddenly start thinking about the washing up because, while this can help delay a man's orgasm, it will only plummet you back to base camp.

At plateau you should feel
Super turned on.
On the brink of orgasm.
A ballooning effect in your vagina as it lengthens and widens.

Step three: The orgasm
This is the peak of arousal and plateau - if nothing stops you here, you'll be free to pant your way to happiness through a succession of involuntary genital contractions, which should last anywhere from 10 to 60 seconds or longer.

Yes, you're having an orgasm
The body arches.
Involuntary muscular contractions in your vagina and uterus - a bit like a pulsating sensation.
Your pelvic and sphincter muscles tense up and your heart rate increases.
Your nipples become erect and the areola will become slightly swollen.
The clitoris becomes engorged and starts to pull slightly.
A slight flush may spread across your breasts.
Your breathing escalates.
Release occurs and you'll feel vaginal, pelvic and even anal contractions, which will increase every 0.8 seconds.
You'll feel as if all the sexual tension in your body has been sucked out.
You'll feel elated, satiated, relieved.

Step four: Resolution
This is back to square one. However, if your boyfriend carries on with stimulation you can go back to plateau and have another orgasm. If not, your body will go back to normal. Don't freak if nothing happened after the plateau stage. Orgasms, like most things in life depend on your mood and the way you go about getting them; meaning each time will be different for you.

The Lazy Girl's Guide To Good Sex
Anita Naik

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

The first time ever I saw your face,
I thought the sun rose in your eyes,
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and empty skies, my love,
To the dark and empty skies.

The first time ever I kissed your mouth,
I felt the earth move in my hand,
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love,
That was there at my command.

The first time ever I lay with you
And I felt your heart beat close to mine,
I thought our joy would fill the earth
And last till the end of time, my love,
and last till the end of time.

ewan mac coll
intimate Kisses
The Poetry Of
Sexual Pleasure
edited by Wendy Maltz

DESCENDING

Let me take my tongue
from your mouth,
easing it out
over the red rolling
waves of your lips.
Then, let me
give it back to you,
gliding it
down
into the salty
wet canyon
between your
stiffening peaks,
down
across the tight
trembling plain
that crests and falls
with quickening pace,
down
to the swelling spring
that calls
for its caress

david meuel
Intimate Kisses
The Poetry Of
Sexual Pleasure
edited by Wendy Maltz

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